Before continuing, please be aware that all of this content is made possible by the goodwill and support of my backers on Patreon. If you enjoy the work on this site, please consider supporting the creation of more content like this by clicking the button.
HELLO YES I WOULD LIKE TO DECLARE MY ALLEGIANCE TO PURE HISTORICALS THANK YOU. No aliens. No ancient Time Lord prophecies. No sentient smoke trying to devour the TARDIS from within. Just politics, wigs, and an ungodly amount of swordfighting. We’re in 1620s France, babyyyy, and everyone is either scheming, stabbing, seducing, or sulking. Absolute cinema. Except it’s audio. Audema? Cinemadio? Whatever. It’s good.
The Fifth Doctor, Peri, and Erimem (bless her, she’s only been in the TARDIS for five minutes and she’s already out-snarking her crewmates) land smack in the middle of one of those eras where everyone’s mad at each other for no reason except “the vibes.” Richelieu is here, being shady and nasal. Queen Anne is dramatic. King Louis is a perpetual child in mid-tantrum. The Duke of Buckingham is trying to stage a coup with the sheer power of his smug voice. There’s a plot, sure—something about mistaken identities, church-versus-state tensions, Peri being kidnapped because she looks exactly like the Queen (shoutout to Nicola Bryant for playing double duty like a champ)—but really it’s just everyone dramatically swishing around in cloaks while waving swords and shouting “For France!” And it SLAPS.
Let’s get this out of the way though: yes, Peri is damsel-fied again. She gets knocked out, tied up, impersonated, and yanked around by plot like she’s in a theme park ride called Patriarchy: The Experience. But it’s fun, and Nicola Bryant clearly had a blast playing both roles, so I’ll allow it. Barely.
Also, there’s a ten-minute scene where the Doctor gets tortured. Not metaphorically. Not emotionally. Like… actual medieval torture guffins. It’s one of those “hey maybe we didn’t need this” Big Finish moments, and it squicks me out every time. But Peter Davison sells the aftermath with that stiff-upper-lip British resolve that makes you go “oh no he’s sad, quick someone give him tea.”
Now let’s talk Erimem. Queen. Empress. Scene-stealer. Caroline Morris waltzes through this story like she’s been in the TARDIS for years. Her chemistry with the Doctor? Instant. Her banter with Peri? Peak. Her contempt for corrupt French aristocracy? Delicious. If you weren’t sold on her before, you will be now.
Special mention to the music: instead of the usual ‘Music from the depths of space’ synthscape, we get courtly lutes and baroque twiddly bits. It’s so immersive I accidentally started addressing people as “milady” for an entire afternoon.
Final Verdict:
If you don’t like historicals, this might leave you cold. There are no aliens, no lasers, no dimension-hopping. Just politics, pageantry, and passive-aggressive monarchs. But if you do like historicals? This is straight-up dopamine in audio form. A tangled mess of court intrigue with just enough heart and humour to land the punch.
4.5 out of 5 swashbuckling court intrigues