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Right, so. Evelyn decides to drop in on Sally, one of her old students, who is Very Clearly Not Okay and absolutely not in the mood for a whimsical visit from her favourite cranky history lecturer. So Evelyn does the normal thing and responds by… telling her a pirate story. Naturally. And not just any pirate story—a Doctor and Evelyn go to the Caribbean and fight pirates in the 1700s story, complete with swashbuckling, musical numbers, and some really suspect geography. And then the Doctor shows up and joins in and starts singing. Because nothing says “dealing with grief” like light operetta and a deeply unconvincing accent.
Let’s be clear: the first half of this story is absurd. Glorious, campy, giddy nonsense. Evelyn is gleefully unreliable as a narrator, deliberately twisting the tale for Sally’s benefit, throwing in big flourishes and cartoon villainy. Bill Oddie as the evil pirate Red Jasper is, hilariously, the least convincing part of all—he’s too warm and cuddly to be threatening, which is possibly the point. It’s all so over-the-top it makes The Curse of the Black Spot look like Master and Commander.
The Doctor himself shows up, joins in, and then—God help us all—starts singing. Yes. Singing. Because it turns out someone at Big Finish said, “You know what this needs? A full-on Gilbert and Sullivan homage.” And look, if that’s your jam, if you get all goosepimply when someone belts out “He is the very model of a Gallifreyan Buccaneer,” then congratulations: this one’s going to make your week. Me? I hate Gilbert and Sullivan. Hate. Capital H. I get hives from patter songs. But I’ll begrudgingly admit—it’s well executed. The parodies are sharp, the lyrics are clever, and Colin Baker goes for it like his regeneration depends on it. So yes. If you like that sort of thing, you’ll love it. If not… brace yourself and try not to bite through your headphones.
But then it pivots.
See, Evelyn’s not just telling a silly pirate story. She’s exorcising guilt. Because halfway through this “fun” tale, Jasper beats a young cabin boy to death. And Evelyn couldn’t stop it. And she blames herself. Suddenly the exaggerated storytelling is revealed as a coping mechanism. The story turns in on itself. And everything gets quiet.
This is where the real plot kicks in: Evelyn’s trying to save Sally from the same spiral of guilt that she’s drowning in. Sally lost someone in a car crash—her fault, she believes—and wrote a suicide note. Evelyn found it too late. So now, she and the Doctor go back to the day the note was written and do what they do best: show up, meddle with time, and save a life not with gadgets or paradoxes, but with kindness. They spend the night just being there. Listening. Reminding Sally that she still matters.
That last act is quiet, grounded, and devastatingly good. It makes the earlier absurdity feel not just justified, but necessary. It earns the tonal whiplash.
The cast is exceptional. Colin Baker and Maggie Stables are, once again, pure alchemy—equal parts silly and sincere. Helen Goldwyn as Sally gives an understated performance that feels painfully real. Even Bill Oddie, miscast as he might be, throws himself into the villainy with gusto. The audio design is pitch-perfect, from rickety ship ambience to emotionally raw stillness. And yes, the Gilbert & Sullivan pastiche is clever and well-done. Even if I’d rather scrub barnacles off a galleon with my face than hear it again.
My only gripe? Between the musical pastiche and the grim trauma flashbacks, the tone swerves hard enough to give you emotional whiplash.
That familiar creeping issue we’ve had in a few of these stories lately: the grim-dark undercurrent. Torture. Mutilation. Death. It feels like there’s a memo going round Big Finish HQ that says, “Add one emotionally scarring detail per act.” Evelyn’s guilt is essential. But a child being beaten to death again? Big Finish, I’m begging you—go outside and touch some sunlight.
Final Verdict:
In the end, Doctor Who and the Pirates lands it. It’s absurd. It’s heartfelt. It’s unbearably sad and somehow still joyful. It’s about the weight of guilt and the power of storytelling and the desperate act of reaching someone in time. Even if you have to sing a bloody aria to do it.
Rating: 4 out of 5 traumatised cabin boys